This is why I have a content warning....

DON'T READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

I started this blog for many reasons. The main reason was to chronicle the lives of my children so I don't forget a single awesome thing they do. Another reason is to note interesting/worthy events that happen in my adult life. Part of what makes me, me are my friendships. I have the most unique, creative, loving and supportive friends. Mark and I are lucky. Very lucky indeed.

Many of my posts have and will stem from simple ideas I post on facebook. This past Friday my friend, we will call her Maple, posted this:

I would like my FB friends to comment on this status, sharing how you met me. But I want you to LIE. That's right, just make it up. After you comment, copy this to your status, so I can do the same.




Normally, I don't subscribe to the "please say something nice about me" posts because it just seems very selfish. Like you need to have someone blow sunshine up your @$$. This one, however, lets your friends show off their creativity. Man, did they show it off. I mean WOW. Here are the posts I received. The names have been changed to protect their saucy, goody two-shoes image :)

• Fallen Tiller - You don't remember? It was a chilly evening after the Big Top Circus. An evening I will never forget. My son wanted to see the Monkeys and after such a great performance we made our way down to the cages. As we peered in there you stood, in your Martha Stuart Pink Pea Coat, petting them every so gently. Looking deep into my eyes you whispered, sir please do not feed the animals.
• Winifred Fastner - I met you at Richards rendezvous after your very first performance... Which was epic by the way! You should def sport those rainbow pasties again next time you're out! I think you were only 15 at the time but they didn't know that.... Anyways you rocked that pole!
• Drason Lublock - Ahhhhh Jess, i remember it like it was yesterday. I had just finished my ten mile run on the beautiful beach of Virgin Gorda. As i was toweling off i caught a glimpse of a native sushi bar. This was perfect because my run had left my body drained of nutrients needed to continue my day. So i decided to investigate this native cuisine further. When i reached the door i heard an angelic voice from within singing. As i opened the door i was met with sparkling smiles from the hostesses and was quickly seated.
  But before i was settled into my seat, my ears where directing my eyes to a small make shift stage in the corner of the room. I thought to myself, i have to go and see whom this sweet music is coming from. So i made my way to the stage and sitting on a bar stool with a guitar wrapped around her neck was none other than Jessica Starkey. And this is how we first met.
• Melvin Tonka Truck - I met you at the Retreat in Lynchburg about two years ago...you should remember we all sat around a campfire singing Kumbaya and witnessing to each other and sharing our awesome experiences. I think the most enjoyable part about that week was when we went and stood outside of that devil's establishment and held signs expressing our disdain and delivering our earthbound mortal judgment on others. I really enjoyed those days....p.s. I hear that there is a "see the light" program coming up to try and help homosexuals reform their ways...i've already registered and I was delighted to see your name on the list of attendees.
• Maple Speer - well, we haven't met face-to-face yet, but i'm hoping we can real soon! you seemed like such a wild one when we chatted! i was your on-line chat advisor for AdamAndEve.com. you had questions about our Alexander Skarsgard Jumbo Double Duty #$%#. i hope i was able to answer all your questions and you found my online video demo of the proper use of a #$%-on, enlightening. i really appreciate the kind words you had to say in our online survey about how well i explained the #$%^#-Clamps-of-the-Month Club and i'm sure you'll enjoy getting that surprise package every month!!! thank you for being our top buyer that day!! i also wanted to let you know that i was not able to get the over-sized shipping charges waived at this time, as it took over half of our warehouse staff to fill the order and UPS had to land the airplane on our warehouse roof to load your order. i hope that you and all of your love partners enjoy the items you purchased. : )
• Whorina Miller - We met when I beat up yo' @$$ for workin' my corner! AND I need my thigh-high boots back, b****.
• Smug Bemmer - I met Jessica in the summer of 91' when, both of us decided to join the circus. Barbara (her name before she changed it) had aspirations of taming a lion, and I was a passionate clown. One day, while having lunch at the Olive Garden with Barbara and and the Bearded Lady, we all decided that our 3 ring lives was coming to an end. Barbara cracked her whip and killed the Bearded Lady by accident. I haven't had unlimited soup and salad since.

Holy Cow! My friends are HILARIOUS. I just had to record this because it just makes me laugh. Every.Single.Time. Some are long, lengthy stories that people came up with in minutes and others are short, raunchy and really show my sense of humor. And yes, this blog is really just about blowing sunshine up my @$$ but I couldn't help it. I love my friends.