T - 15 Days

Yeah, I am pretty freaking nervous.

I have been poked, prodded, lectured, poked again, and lectured again. When you sign up for weight loss surgery don't ever doubt that they won't prepare you. I have had to:
-take two classes that lasted all day. (i.e. to the idiot in the room...no you really can't have baked potatoes...do you seriously need that explained to you? Come on.)
-spoken/interviewed by a nutritionist
-lectured by my PA at the surgeon's office
-lectured by the psychologist (yes, I know I am broken)
-blood drawn = 15 tubes
-EKG
-Chest Xray
-pee test to make sure I am not pregnant (they will NOT take your word for it)
-not to mention the 6 months of doctors visits and check ins.

Friday I spent ALL day at St. Mary's Hospital. From 9:00 am to 6:pm. That's something I never want to do again. First is was lab work, EKG, Chest Xray. Then the appt with my PA at the surgeon's office (who I like, A LOT). The conversation when like this:

PA: So while you are the liver shrinking diet, you can't have corn or any other starchy vegetables.
Me: Corn technically isn't a vegetable, it's a grain.
PA: Ok smart a$$. You would be surprised at what people think veggies are.
Me: Got it. Soooooo....no twinkies then?
PA: (raised eyebrow, smirk) I can tell we are going to get along just fine, Jessica.

The nutrition class was a lot of information to take in. Not about what I should and shouldn't be eating, since I know that. It was about what I can and can't eat before and after surgery. The answer is: not much. Clear liquids for the first week (which will probably involve my husband going out and buying a crapload of pre-made jello) and mushed up stuff the next two weeks. I can only imagine what Mark will come up with. I promise to take pictures.

I did manage to stump the nutritionist.

Nut: So people, you are going to need to eat slowly and carefully so that you will not vomit. Vomiting can lead to band slippage which will require more surgery.
Me: What happens if you get the stomach flu?
Nut: That's a good question. I have never had anyone ask that.
Me: Really?? I have two small children who are the equivalent of walking germ factories. I get the stomach flu about twice a year.
Nut: Huh....that would be a problem. Maybe you should ask your doctor about getting some nausea medication to prevent that stuff.

When relaying the above conversation to my husband later on that evening he goes, "So while most people try to get that awesome pain medication you are asking for nausea meds?" NERD.

Dude, I don't have time to be throwing up.