It's freaking OK

I was at a baby shower for a first time mom this weekend. Like most moms do, we all stood around talking about our experiences and giving advice. To a new mom though, this can be a double edged sword. As veteran moms we just want to help the new mother any way we can. We have been through the long, sleepless nights of wondering "Will I EVER get any sleep?" "Will this baby EVER stop crying?" "Will I EVER get a shower?" "Am I really going to be a good mother?" "I should spend more time with my children, but I really REALLY need time to myself and with my husband" So when giving advice to a new mother, it's important for veteran moms to NOT give the scary "Holy shit, labor was so awful, it was like my vagina fell out and it will never be the same." Or "this baby never stopped screaming, I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind." These statements will only lead to anxiety. You should tell her that she is going to get SO frustrated with the screaming baby that she may just have to calmly put the child down in the crib (don't worry, it's not going anywhere) and walk out of the house. Just stand on front porch and listen to the silence. SWEET SILENCE. You should tell her that breastfeeding is EFFING hard. Harder than labor. So if you aren't having success, please please don't think it's your fault or that you aren't doing something right or that you aren't a good mom. There are people to help you. All you have to do is ask. These are the things I told this new mother.

And then a woman, who has absolutely no children, walks up and says "STOP IT, you are SCARING HER! Everything will be just fine. JUST FINE!!"

Sigh. In a way saying everything will be fine and it's so easy will do more harm. What happen when she does have difficulties? Because, count on it, she will have difficulties. Should she feel like everything should be going smoothly and there is something wrong with her? No. It helps new mothers to know that other people have difficulties and that they have asked for help. It's OK to ask for help. You are not doing anyone any good when you say everything is fine. You are especially not helping any other new mothers who feel that they might be failing. We are all effing human. It's time we start acting like it. This "June Cleaver" bullshit has to stop. That leads me to another point...

As women, we are our own worst enemies. I am including myself in this statement. I admit to falling into the usual petty traps of judgment. As I get older, though, these feelings subside and now I just want happiness for my friends and family. Sure, I still get jealous when someone has something I don't. I am not going to lie about that. Recently my best friend in the entire world just got a new kitchen. I was UBER jealous. NOT because she and her husband didn't work their ASSES off to earn that kitchen. They did. NOT because she doesn't deserve that kitchen because they do. (Laurel, I love you) But because I want that, too. These are basic human emotions and it's ok to have them, as long as they stay in their correct categories. As long as we can say, "I am feeling jealous but I am happy for them. I am SO happy for them." And that's where the jealousy ends. We can't let that seep in and corrupt everything else in our lives. We can't let it come out in other ways like anger and bickering. I am 31 years old and it took me long enough to realize this because of some help (that will be a different entry).

Ladies, it's important to support other women and, especially, new moms. It's ok if someone decides not to breast feed. It's ok if someone says "I don't even want to try labor without an epidural." It's ok to admit that things aren't going well. IT IS OK. We weren't meant to go through this life alone. Race, gender, sexual preference, religion....let's just be supportive. I don't want to sound preachy. I don't want others to believe what I believe or don't believe. I just want supportive friends and I think that's what others want as well.

To the woman who said I was scaring a new mom. I wasn't. I was letting her know that I would be there for her if she needed me. Isn't that what we all want?

Coupons

I need some help. A few people have asked me for ideas or suggestions on where to find the deals every week and I am more that willing to share these ideas but I am stuck as to how to go about doing that. There are many coupon site that you can go to find the deals. The three main sites that I like to go to on a regular basis are:

krazycouponlady.com

passionforsavings.com

livingrichwithcoupons.com

Some of these provide local coupon matchups for different states but they are useful in other ways.

In the end, though, you have to like couponing. It can't be a burden. I find that organizing coupons and hunting for a deal is a lot of fun and completely stress relieving (don't judge). For me, going into a store and getting something for almost nothing is totally worth it but I can see where other people would find it boring. I also like looking in my pantry a seeing it well stocked. My business is a roller coaster right now and knowing that I can provide for my family is very important to me.

So I need suggestions. Do you want me to tell you how I organize? How I find the deals? Do you want me to post deals that I do find on a blog? Any help would be great!!

Please post suggestions in comment boxes. Thanks!

Hey Cancer, Why don't you just go F*CK yourself.

I want that on a t-shirt.

One of the nightmares of every mother is to leave her children behind and not be able to see them grow up. This topic is closer to me than I would like to admit. I am not ready to write about that right now just from the fear of karmic injustice but I do want my 5 readers to know about a blog that I ready daily. Or that I check in on daily.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/

Every day I go to this blog to check in and see if she has written something. Every day I hope for good news. She is so young. SO YOUNG. Her children are small. She is one of the best and the brightest. Contributing, when she can through all of the pain, to the acknowledgment of women's contributions at NASA. She has done more with her life than most of us. Her contributions are vast.

Is it hard to read? Yes. It's awful. Get over it. This woman deserves our love and respect. She deserves an ear and a shoulder to lean on. This is something all of us will want and need when things get rough. And they will get rough. Count on that.

My friends, we are not getting younger. My mother would say: "Oh, Jessica! That's so sad! Why do you read that?" I read it because the world isn't pretty. Being an adult super duper sucks sometimes. I long for the day when women don't have to put their babies down just so they can walk into a cancer clinic. That day hasn't come yet. This woman has to put her children down just so she can fight for her life. Please, go help her fight.

Laurel's 29th+ Birthday/Surprise Hillbilly Party

Honestly, there is no PC way of putting this so I am just going to call it what it is. A surprise white trash/redneck birthday party and it was awesome. Two years ago, Laurel and I were pregnant at the same time. We also, consequently, turned 30 while being pregnant so no big blow out bash with lots of merriment could be had. We aren't ones to get trashed on a regular basis but we do like to get tipsy and watch ridiculous 80's movies. Wild, I know.

I would also like to say that everyone deserves a surprise party once in their life. It's just so much fun to plan and it shows that person just how much you care about them. I don't know where I got the idea to mix the surprise with the red neck theme but it worked well. Very well. The amount of people I had planned on coming didn't quite work out but I think it was actually better that way. We did miss a certain "Camel" and I want her to know we thought about you! This "camel" was instrumental in certain aspects of the party and I wanted to say thank you for the help. Thank you Sarah! 

I am going to let the pictures tell the story. 

For the table, Greg (Laurel's husband) and I laid some newspaper down instead of a table cloth. Then we put an old pizza box on top of that as a makeshift place mat. Check out those nascar plates I got at Party City for $.50!! Awesome!

I have to say, the grocery trip to Walmart was literally the most embarrassing trip of my life. The cashier gave me this look of horror when he saw all the garbage I was buying. Twinkies, Ho-Hos, Oatmeal pies, spam, cheese whiz. cake, pigs feet, etc. There was nothing even remotely nutritious in that cart. It made my heart hurt. 

I found these old pictures of Laurel from her wedding/bachelorette party that I plastered on a magazine template. That received another look from the CVS clerk. 

This is my pastry sculpture. You like?

Instead of a cheese and crackers platter, I dumped various crackers and put some cheese whiz out. Trashy?

For decorations, I thought the trashier/cheaper the better. I found a template that you just had to add the names to various novelty legal notices like "Search warrant" and other legal notices. I then plastered them all over her front door. The centerpiece of the decorations was the laundry line in the back yard. The pieces of clothing became attractive to certain drunken men who tried them on. Awesome added benefit!

What was thought as a lot of jello shooters, initially turned out to be way too few!

I went to CVS and said "Where are your trashiest magazines?"

My husband's outfit. So awesome!

That's a pork rind dipped in cheese dip. Yum?

Oh this tile feels so gooooood.

Ok so, I took A LOT more pictures and the ones that aren't on here are the really really good ones. It's kind of a shame that I can't make one post private but I can't so I am not going to post them. It was an awesome night followed by some serious hangovers the next day. Happy Birthday, Laurel!

P.S. a big thank you to Greg for helping me with the deception AND the decorations!

George's 6th Birthday Party

Whenever I would have a birthday when I was younger, my Papa would say, "pretty soon you will be graduating from college!" I would giggle and think that he was being silly. In just a blink of an eye I now have my own children who are growing up way too quickly. Everyone ALWAYS says that. It's the only thing we can say. As parents, it's hard for us to grasp the amazing speed our children seem to grow and leave us. There is only a short period of time to teach them everything they need to learn, to instill values that will stick with them and to give them so much love that, hopefully, they will want to visit their old parents more than once a year. Ok, enough.

George turned 6 and we threw him an AWESOME birthday party. At first he wanted to have it a Chuck-E-Cheese which ignited my gag reflex. "Please dear sweet baby Jesus, don't have your party at Chuck-E-Cheese." Thoughts of drunken parents and screaming children ran through my head. No, please no...

We "steered" him in another direction :)

Pump-it-up is an inflatable bouncing place where children can literally run around and drain every single ounce of energy they have. Someone literally said to me while we were there, "why would you have it at this place? You pay all this money for only two hours! They shove you in and out." Ummm...I don't know...maybe because it's ONLY TWO HOURS?? I don't have to get my house "company clean" (don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about!), the children have an enormous amount of fun, etc. The selling point here, though, is that the adults can bounce too! That's right! I hate parties where the adults are just sitting around watching their children, looking completely bored. It's as if once we became adults, having fun is not an option. Nay, I say! Everyone had a flippin' awesome time! Totally worth the money and in the end we got to go home and relax.

Surprisingly enough, I could not get a good picture of the Birthday Boy when they were actually jumping. It was like he was just too busy for his mother :) The following are pictures of the cupcakes and their consequences.

Notice the lower, left cupcake. An unnamed Birthday boy got into the cupcakes at home :)

Don't you just love how Isaac is sitting there, hands folded, waiting patiently for his cupcake?

I would like to note here that I am so proud of our child. Naturally, when there are gifts to be opened, children will crowd around and want to help open them. This will happen every time. It is completely understandable that children get excited over these things. I usually like to stress to George that it's important to be understanding of his friends and their eagerness to open gifts. I have seen temper tantrums by other, unnamed children and am very proud that George took it all in stride. He allowed everyone to help open gifts and he thanked everyone. We have wonderful friends who are very kind and generous.

Pump-it-up wears the babies out!

The day after the party, we were all lounging around the house when Mark and I thought it was a little too quiet. Henry had found a way to get into the cupcakes. I still don't know how he did that. 

Cutest.Thing.Ever.

George's 6th Birthday was a success! I want to thank everyone who came and was a part of George's special day. We love you all!